Running errands today I almost got into two accidents in about a minute. In the first, a woman driver apparently decided that she couldn't wait for a break in traffic to pull out of her spot and had to exit immediately into traffic. I almost hit her (but needed a spot and I got that).

As I was reversing in to the spot a man walked by my car, then between my car and his, which was right behind me. I saw him jump (rear view mirror) when he realized that I was still reversing in. Who steps behind a car as it's already backing up and MOVING?

I'm writing about these two close calls because they play on a theme I've been pondering and one that many authors explore. We, in certain parts of this mostly stable country, expect things to work for us. We've been relatively safe, most of the time. How do people handle it when things don't work out; as sometimes they can't?

Where did we get this idea that life is safe such that we can explore - in literature - that it isn't? Is it a purely American in this day and age concept?

So I'll return to a book recommended by a dear friend ... Point Of No Return. Published first in 1947 it pulls us back into the world that preceded our own. The narrator works hard to create a better life then that of, as it turns out, his peers. He makes conscience choices, not expecting an end result, then returns to his home town (inadvertently) to contrast his own fate with those he knew. His is better.

And this narrative really is my chosen universal story, even more so than that of life surprising us. How much do we control our own fate and can we understand it even with the distance of time passing?

Both themes recur which is why authors like them so much. In our own lives, as opposed to the world of a book, we are left with the haunting repercussions.

I've started revisiting Captive's sequel again. I'd wanted to write something else first but was persuaded otherwise. Want to bet you might see one or both of these familiar narratives when I'm done?

I added the tree for the holidays. Slick pictures you can buy on your own.

The burdens we don’t own but still carry

Last night someone read me the Buddhist story about two monks crossing a river. One, the older one, carries a nasty woman across to save her dress. Hours later, the younger one asks why the other monk did so when she was so mean and unappreciative. The answer? “I put her down hours ago why are you still carrying her?”

This week I let down a burden that I’d been trying to shoulder but didn’t belong to me. You can’t carry other people’s burdens. Most often, they are far from appreciative when you try (even if you can miraculously help). Sometimes I need to stand back and let someone else jump off a cliff (they may have a parachute).

A finally self admitted control freak (sort of) I don’t like to admit that I can’t do or fix something. And I’m learning (slowly) to let go of that concept. The truth is that every one of us has limitations.

So this week I’ve let go of a burden that wasn’t my own. I feel so much lighter; my body had been tightening up and I wasn’t sleeping. Both symptoms (of stress) lifted as I yielded to failure (on this issue). I’m so much happier!

I keep trying to be a better person. Once and a while I succeed. On this one I’m proud. I could exlore the issue further but think I've done enough introspection for today (I only handle it in bits and pieces).

And, the pie? I made it!

Commitment

I always have so much to say/write sometimes I don't know what to say/write.

Today I resolved the last barrier to writing the Captive sequel. Odd, in that I already have about a hundred pages written. But that draft was forced (an external deadline that killed the draft) and I've been trying to unriddle it ever since.

A walk on the beach with a neighbor I met a week or so ago (we run into each other on morning jogs). An email exchange with a friend of a friend that read the book.

Commitment has never been my strong point; I can sometimes do it. I do commit. But doing so isn't a natural leap. And, the crux of the conversation came down to owning your life and choices; accepting that there is no way out and that you've made mistakes. Self acceptance is the central point in that if you can't accept your own role in the life you create you can't fully commit to what's around you.

Why are we our own out? Because we want to be.

So, I now need to decide who commits to what in the sequel. And only by committing can you fully engage (the rest is escape). Did my characters commit in Captive? What held them prisoner? Obligation or a true commitment? Can you escape those ties?

My biggest commitment is to my children and they bring me the greatest joy I've known in life. I committed to this book; what a lot of work - but I believe in it.

What to do? I'll have to write it all out.

The tree? A surprise for my kids. One commitment I made this weekend; to their happiness and pleasure.

Happy Sunday.

Today passed as if in a dream

My life has been such a hodgepodge lately. Good, bad, busy, always busy. I keep learning...often more than I want to learn.

Thoughts for the evening?

1. My son has a job, at sevem, getting payed to plow fields online
2. People surprise you; on the upside and the down
3. I like a lot of what I do; I don't like this economy
4. December is shaping up to be another interesting month
5. Maha keeps me sane and balanced
6. Apple (computer) really is a better company
7. No, I haven't seen enough movies lately
8. I do have a book recommendation every few days or so

So that is my mood of the moment

Thoughts on character

Character

So that’s my thought for the day. Being somewhat creative I try to grasp the vastness of the subject (in my life: Coro, work, my friends, writing the next book with Characters). But I’m also a lawyer (focused on the actual meaning) so I typed the term into a favorite site: thesaurus.com.

I liked the note better than the definition:
Character is what one is; reputation is what one is thought to be by others.

Don’t you love that?

My character. I have 100 plus pages of Captive’s sequel. I work; have kids. Instead of writing with the time left over I’ve decided to market. That goes to my character, doesn’t it?

The book is among the most fulfilling things I’ve done. The writing also comes very easily. I could sit down – and if I could afford it – write book after book. Is character shaped by economics?

But to lead you need character. Why is it that with that quality we know it when we see it yet it doesn’t fit the confines of a definition? All of our leaders are so flawed. I’m so flawed but that doesn’t make me a leader.

My leadership principles for today (and I’ll only comment on today)”

1. Respect and caring for others (empathy and interest included)
2. Clearly thought out missions/goals
3. Standards of behavior to adhere to (and they may be controversial)
4. Willingness to compromise when necessary; strength not to when necessary
5. Faith and a belief in a higher power
6. Compassion
7. Judgment

And, gosh, for now I don’t know. The list goes on but yet character isn’t leadership and it isn’t always good.

As I learn in yoga – accept.

So, we all have our characters. Mine is to jump around and ramble sometimes as I figure out where I’m going. It doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else.

Read Michael Cunningham’s new book By Nightfall for more.

Send me book recommendations!

Thoughts on a new book

I'm seeing the next book again. I'd lost it and now I can see so clearly what to write and how the story unfolds. Since I'd started working on it - then stopped after too many comments from an agent had me lose it - now I know where to cut and what to add.

The characters are less clear; other than the main ones. And I have one huge, huge question (which will absolutely change the tone of the book). One path is a little bit sweet; something I don't usually write. The other option takes me into a reality that I've little explored in writing to date.

What to do, what to do?

Right now, go pick up my kids.

Yes, I've taken a break from beach pictures and headed downtown. Another photo from the roof of City Hall.

Link to my work blog and a review of Inside Job

I saw a screening last night of Charles Ferguson's Inside Job (thanks to The Wrap). Anyone interested...